Do You Miss Her More...?

"Do you miss your mom more now that you're pregnant?"

This was the question that my Grandma Trudy (Mom's mom) asked me the other night on the phone.

Grandma Trudy has lost a lot of people in her lifetime (she's 84) including her beloved husband, both parents, a sibling, a daughter, all her aunts, uncles and most, if not ALL, of her cousins. She understands loss, but she mostly didn't experience it until she was in her late 50's. She had her Mom living near her for her pregnancies and most of the time she was raising my mom and uncles. She really was curious to know if I miss my mom more now that I'm pregnant.

The answer to that is "no". I do not miss my mom more for there is no possible way that "more" can fit into the space I hold in my life entitled "Missing Mom". When you're in your 60's-80's you almost expect to lose your parents. It's kind of inevitable, although I would never say easier. It doesn't matter how old you are losing a parent is NEVER easy to accept. However, losing your parents in your mid twenties is a WHOLE different spectrum. Does it get easier? Yes, that is why the LORD designed the grieving process. If handled step by step, you will not spend the rest of your life in doldrums and depression sobbing every day for your loss. You learn to accept and deal with each new day of not having that person's presence in your life. You will have certain days when a phrase triggers tears, or a song tugs at your heartstrings, or your memory replays that terrible night, but for the most part you are a happy, functioning member of LIFE!

The "more" factor does not fit into this case. I think of losing my mom as a hole in my life. She filled a space that no one else could. When the LORD took her home that space was ripped from my life leaving ragged edges and natural tears all around. Jesus steps in with His grace, mercy & love and smooths the edges and mends the tears but there is still a hole. That hole is empty of the completion of HAVING my mom with me, but filled with the realization that I WILL see her again one day! Regardless of what comes and goes in my life, that hole remains. It neither grows, nor shrinks, it is simply a hole.

The only "more" I can use in regards to Mom is that each new day of living for Jesus, is one MORE day closer to seeing her again =)

Psalm 19:14
"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."