A Letter to Mom

Dear Mommy,

It's been 45 months, today, since you left me. I'll never forget that day as long as I live. It was Columbus Day 2006 and I had worked a full day because the kids had off. My day was so super stressful that day, Mom. My wedding was in 12 days, Jimmy's house was on the market and not selling and I was still learning to deal with everyday life and activities since losing Daddy the year before. I came home that evening angry at the world, stressed to the hilt and sat down to check my email. After signing onto my AOL account I saw the list of people on and quickly signed on to my secret screen name so no one would talk to me. After a few moments I heard the familiar "brrrr-iiing" of an IM. There you were, IM-ing me on my secret name! I half smiled and was so confused as to how you had found me! You told me that you had checked out my laptop when you were bored the day before at the house. You had seen my secret name and jotted it down to log onto your friend's list so that you could find me if I were ever hiding. I remember laughing out loud and secretly feeling so grateful to have someone to talk to. I unloaded the spew of my day and you listened and typed encouraging things to me. "Oh, Pook, you're doing fine. Those kids need you and it was just a bad day"...Then you told me you weren't feeling well and you were going to go lay down. You typed "Good-bye Pook" and signed off. Less than 2 hours later you would close your eyes here on Earth and open them in eternity. I often think...even 45 months later...what you saw in that moment. I know it was Jesus! You were gone so fast from me and yet it's so reassuring to know that you left me for the arms of Jesus! What an AWESOME Savior I serve! Such hope and love!

I still miss you though. So very, very much! I remember the day before you left, you had played special music in church. You played "In Times Like These". I cling to the words of that song to this day. I know that the LORD led you to play that song as your last special music...

"In times like these you need a Savior
In times like these you need an anchor;
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!

Chorus
This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He's the One;
This Rock is Jesus, the only One!
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!

In times like these you need the Bible,
In times like these O be not idle;
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!

Chorus
This Rock is Jesus, Yes, He's the One;
This Rock is Jesus, the only One!
Be very sure, be very sure
Your anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!

In times like these I have a Savior,
In times like these I have an anchor;
I'm very sure, I'm very sure
My anchor holds and grips the Solid Rock!"


...Oh Mama, I'm so glad you are in Heaven with Jesus, but sometimes out of my own selfish desires, I wish you were here to talk to. Sometimes, like today, I feel the weight of the world. James is out of work and unemployment runs out in 2 months, the car repair bill just came in, I'm down to one job until mid-August, we've gone through all of James' retirement money...but I know what you would say if you were here. You'd tell me to secure my anchor, Jesus, and grip the solid Rock! (then Daddy would pop in a say that we serve a GOD Who owns the cattle on a thousand hills and the LORD will sell a few if He has to just to get me through, haha! I miss Daddy's whacked humor)You would say "It's OK, Pook" and then tell me about one of the numerous times that the LORD provided for our family in a seemingly out-of-nowhere way. I have comfort in those stories of faithfulness and provisions of our Loving Father!!

Thank you, Mommy, for being a faithful wife and mother. Thank you for raising me to trust and obey the Only Living LORD! Thank you for your love that lasts, even to this day. I miss you so much and look forward to the day when Jesus I will see. After seeing His marvelous face and worshiping at His feet, I look forward to wrapping my arms around you once again and laying my head on your shoulder (I'm pretty sure we will all be the same height in Heaven so I can do this without cricking my back! hehe)I look forward to hearing your voice and seeing those precious hands reach out to stroke my forehead the way they did so many times throughout my life. Thank you for being my Mommy. I love you so very much!

Love,
Your April Joy...aka Pook