For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a mommy. From the time I understood how to answer the question, "What do you want to be when you grown up?" I have answered with two simple words, "a mommy". The earliest memories I have involve a doll that I received for Christmas when I was 2 years old. I still have that dolly (she will be 29 on Dec 25 :D) Her name is Christianne, named for a childhood friend from Sayre Woods, and she sits on the headboard next to my teddy bear, Sacajawea. Most of my childhood up until age 12, revolved around that doll. I played with her nearly every day, even long after my sisters had outgrown playing "house". My doll was so life-like and she looked (from afar) and felt like a real baby. In fact, one day,when I was about 12, a neighbor that had moved into the neighborhood a few months earlier walked up to our backyard and asked how the baby was. I asked,"what baby?" and she pointed to the baby swing I had set up in the corner of the yard that held my doll. I was so embarrassed and mumbled, "she isn't real" and hurried away. I stopped playing with her a lot after that happened and soon, after Scotty was born, I had a real live baby to "play" with! haha!

Even still, years later, I still wonder what it will be like to be a mommy. I mean, I know how to care for children. I've been a babysitter since I was young and childcare is my profession now. I helped to raise Scotty and I care many times for Seth and Gracie. I know how to deal with temper tantrums, teething, diaper rashes, throw up, diaper explosions, and potty training (yes, Scotty, you can thank me for training you, woo hoo! haha!). I know how to properly install a car seat and I can put together a slew of baby paraphernalia without directions. So, the point is, I know a whole lot of what it takes and what's entailed with having a child...

Here are some things that I don't know...

1.What is it like to look down after three min and see two pinks lines? What runs through your head? Does your heart skip an excited beat?

2. What's it like in those precious moments after seeing the pink lines? Do you look in the mirror and beam back at your gleaming eyes? Do you start thinking of how to tell your husband in the most perfect way?

3. What is it like to see the faces of beloved friends and family when you tell them the news? Are the images of their widened eyes, and shrilling shrieks seared into your mind forever?

4. What's it like to walk into the OB/GYN for the first time knowing that your expecting? Do you chatter more excitedly with the nurses and receptionist?

5. What's it like when the doctor says the "official" congratulations? Even though they, no doubt, say it multiple times a day, does it sound different when you're hearing it? As if they must truly mean it more because this will be the most perfect baby ever?

6. What is it like to see that fuzzy, gray image up on that screen and to hear that tud, tud, tud of a small heartbeat? Do you cry? Do you smile ear to ear and have no words at that moment?

7. What is it like to feel your baby kick the first time? Is is defined or does it feel like a gas bubble? hehe What is it like when you see your husband's face as he feels the baby move for the first time?

8. What is it like to waddle around? Is it really annoying or not so bad when people stroke you belly?

9. What runs through your head when you realize you're in labor? Is it joy? Fear? Anxiety? Excitement?

(I won't ask how labor feels. I once had a severe stomach infection and the doctor told me later that the pain I was experiencing was equivalent to contractions in a pregnant woman, except unlike contractions my pain had no pauses...I remember that well, I was screaming the whole way to the ER!)

10. What's it like to hear that first cry? To see you baby for the first time? To hold your baby for the first time? What's it like to look down and know that this precious baby is half you and half your husband and s/he was formed and knit together by an Awesome and Amazing GOD??

Dear Jesus, When I grow up, I wanna be a mommy...Amen.