More Answers

My dear friend, Dorothy, keeps reminding me that I have yet to answer more questions, from my post from over a year ago, about wondering what it is like to be expecting!

I can officially answer another 3 1/2 questions! =)

Q4. What's it like to walk into the OB/GYN for the first time knowing that your expecting? Do you chatter more excitedly with the nurses and receptionist?

A. Walking into my midwife's office for the very first time was nerve wracking. I had applied for Medicaid in May, as soon as I received the official confirmation from Solutions Pregnancy. This is something they require you to send them. By the end of June I had sent in all my paperwork and thought that perhaps I could see my midwife for prenatal care, paying out of pocket until Medicaid would kick in (sometime in July) and reimburse me. The first midwife office would not accept me unless I paid $600 up front, 10% of all prenatal care charges, and $3,000 for blood work. Speaking with the billing office trying to work something out I was simply told "why don't you go to Planned Parenthood"...talk about crying! I knew this was NOT who I wanted to treat my pregnancy and birth. My second midwife choice was nice enough, and had agreed to treat me for free until Medicaid kicked in, but once she saw my hypertension she wanted nothing to do with me. She recommended another midwife and I met with her in mid July and she was simply WONDERFUL! Her office allowed me to pay out of pocket until Medicaid kicked in, with no 10% down, or any other hoops to jump through! I met with the OB as well and he is such an AMAZING doctor! He LISTENED to me, looked me in the eye, called my daughter a "precious little one", and acted like we were old friends the moment we met! The LORD truly blessed me by leading me to this office and I am so thankful!...So to make a long story short, (too late), my REAL first visit, with my TRUE midwife and OB was VERY exciting and yes, I did chatter excitedly to the receptionists because they are SOOOO nice!!


Q.5. What's it like when the doctor says the "official" congratulations? Even though they, no doubt, say it multiple times a day, does it sound different when you're hearing it? As if they must truly mean it more because this will be the most perfect baby ever?

A. The "official" congrats actually came from the Solutions ultra sound tech. We had an amazing visit and seeing that tiny heartbeat was such a precious, beautiful sight! The "congratulations" did sound different to me because I had to keep reminding myself that she was talking to ME, not my friend, or my sister, but ME!!


6. What is it like to see that fuzzy, gray image up on that screen and to hear that tud, tud, tud of a small heartbeat? Do you cry? Do you smile ear to ear and have no words at that moment?


A. Seeing that fuzzy gray image was SO AWESOME!! I did cry the first time I saw her and I was smiling ear to ear as well! She was too tiny the first time we saw her to hear her heart beat, but last Monday as we were checked by Dr. G, I got to SEE her AND hear her heartbeat which was strong and healthy. There are no words to describe it! It was amazing!


7. What is it like to feel your baby kick the first time? Is is defined or does it feel like a gas bubble? hehe What is it like when you see your husband's face as he feels the baby move for the first time?


A. When I first felt Anya kick, I KNEW she had kicked me! It was Mon July 18th and I was laying on the couch during naptime. I was watching Ina Garten cook something delicious when all of the sudden there was this small, but very defined 'thump thump" on my protruding belly. I sat straight up and kinda stared down, knowing it was her kicking, but afraid to talk or walk in hopes that she would do it again for me! haha!It was so cool!! ... It is still too early for anyone to feel her on the outside, so part two of this question must wait for next time =)

Trampled and Forgotten

James and I attended a wedding yesterday. At the reception in the evening we were having a very nice time and enjoying good food. Over the course of the night the bride and groom did various traditions: First dance, father/daughter dance, Mother/son dance, cutting the cake, ect. One of my past favorites, I say "past" for obvious reasons, is the bouquet toss. There is nothing more amusing than watching a group of single women stand there with that hope in their eyes that they will be the one to catch the coveted flower arrangement!...as a side note, I did catch it once at my friend Shao Chen's wedding. I stand 5'10 and I was wearing 3 inch heels at the time and with a name like Shao Chen you know I was pretty much surrounded by not-as-tall Asian women, it was really no challenge...Anyway, there was the beautiful bride last night with her back turned to all the hopeful, single girls and on the DJ's countdown she let the bouquet fly. I believe it hit the ceiling or something because as it descended it was falling apart. Flowers kind of went flying and scattering everywhere and even more so when two of the ladies grabbed at pieces of it. In the end one girl stood victorious with most of what could be salvaged of the original piece. The staff of the reception hall very quickly swept the discarded flowers off of the dance floor before the dancing was reinstated.

...All but one...

It was pink. Beautiful. Perfectly formed. So pretty looking against the caramel colored dance floor. I was transfixed by it. It's petals swept closed in an almost shy modesty. I thought about picking it up, but I didn't want to move. It was so pretty right there towards the corner. No one noticed it, just me. There were close to 130 people in that reception hall. No one stopped to look, no one picked it up. It was discarded...The music started up again. This time instead of Frank Sinatra style music, more modern, what my Dad used to call "Boompity-boomp" music started. The bass shook my table. It started playing with my heartbeat (HATE THAT!) and all the while this rose lay there on the floor. But soon, as the crazy dancing ensued and people with too much to drink tripped past waitresses and flung themselves in every which way to the dance floor, it became crowded and before I knew it someone had danced by and in a moments time the beautiful pink rose had been trampled underfoot. They hadn't even noticed. This beautiful flower that had been raised from a seed, lovingly watered, carefully clipped, artfully arranged, had been DESTROYED...

As I stood to leave, I thought about that flower. I thought about how sometimes Jesus is like that rose. He's there, He's beautiful, He's peaceful, but unnoticed. He is forgotten amidst the trappings and parties of life....

Dear LORD Jesus, May I never forget You are present with me ALWAYS! May I never trample you underfoot as I run around in my busy life. May I stop to take notice of You at multiple points of EVERY day! You are so much more than a pretty rose! You are my Beautiful Savior and I LOVE YOU!!! ~Amen~

Run, Peep, Run! (A New Generation)

"Pook, if anything ever happens to me, you have to keep coming out here. This is a special place, a very special place..."

These are the words my Daddy said to me as we hiked our very last hike ever in Gettysburg, Sept 2003. Of course, I had no idea that he was sick or that it was our very last hike, but I believe that Dad knew. I remember raising my eyebrows and looking at him with a weird, twisted sort of face and saying, "Ummmm, Ok??? I guess??" I thought he was just being dramatic or something. I had no clue....

I was reminded this past weekend as we were out in Gettysburg. Reminded just by gazing at the lush green battlefields, that this is hallowed ground for reasons of my very own. My father walked these grounds. My father loved this land, the history of it and what it stands for! So many of my happiest childhood memories are wrapped around the 1.6 square miles of this tiny town. All the silly games we played out there. Can You See Me? at the PA Monument. March, Piggies, March at the High Water Mark. Chinese Fire Drill at the Lee Monument! So many funny, amazing, fantastic times with all of us!

When my father told me to keep going to Gettysburg when he was gone, he was not merely telling me to drive to a Pennsylvania town and look around. He was telling me to create happy memories. To be reminded of the good things I shared with my family and to make new memories, good memories with the ones that come after, with the ones that I love.

May 6, 2011. Peep took his/her very first trip to this special town. Peep had his/her very first picture taken on Run, Pook, Run!(a very special field named after Mommy, by Grandpa, in case you missed that post =) Peep will one day visit, on the outside of my tummy hehe, and walk the roads, battlefields, and paths that his/her awesome Grandpa did. Peep will learn to love what Grandpa did and what Mommy does. Peep will have happy, wonderful memories and fun times in this tiny town. Peep will know his/her Grandpa through this town. Peep will carry on a legacy!


"I love my father as the stars - he's a bright shining example and a happy twinkling in my heart."

Hairy, Scary Monster!!!

As a prelude to my story, I must share about a cat that we had when I was about 14. Her name was, Tia, and she was an inside and outside cat. She had this terrible tendency to bring in birds that she killed. One time even bringing in a squirrel face...yes, that'll stick with you for life! Tia liked my bed a lot and one night I was sound asleep and a terrible thunderstorm woke me up. As I rolled from my left side to my back I landed in something goopy and wet. I remember thinking "oh great, Tia came in from the rain and got my bed soaked" until I felt around and my hand landed on a small thing. (Keep reading! It's soooo worth it!!!) It being pitch black in my room, I screamed on the top of my lungs and threw the object as hard as I could across the room and heard the thud as it hit the dresser and landed on the floor. Tia jumped from my bed as I stood up screaming and Sharon hit the light to see my back and bed covered in blood. Tia grabbed the object and pulled it under my bed and by this time almost the entire house was in my room and I'm hollering "dead squirrel" at my Dad. Daddy looks under the bed and laughs and peeks his head up and says, "Tia's having kittens under the bed!" What? Oh thank goodness it's just kittens and not...HOLY COW!! I THREW ONE ACROSS THE ROOM!!!...Fear not, it did not die (phew!) but everyone teased me and said that kitten never could walk a straight line for the rest of it's life! =) haha!

...Now onto last night! So here it is 3:14am and I'm soundly sleeping when Gracie lets off a shriek and scares me outta my life! I jump from the bed and race into her room. It's completely dark and I bend down to the lower bunk and peek my head in between the bed railing and the top bunk. I see her sitting up in her usual spot towards the back and I coaxed her over. "Come here, Gracie, lay down, it's OK, Pooka's here" She didn't budge. I felt for her blanket as my eyes adjusted slowly and I saw it on the floor by the opening at the end of her bed. I reached down for it and my hand closed around something hairy, warm and breathing. I jumped up as fast as I could and ran up the first two steps of Seth's top bunk ladder. I then began loudly hissing that Gracie come to me now! I could grab her if she came to the edge by the ladder and we could both climb up into Seth's bunk, pull in the ladder and sit there to be rescued. Gracie is not coming and this thing begins to move! I think it's a small raccoon or possum. I am panicked more and am pleaded for Gracie to "come here, NOW!! Pooka needs you!!!" This thing turns and moves towards me, I am freaking out now!! All of the sudden, it stops...stands up, reaches for me and says, "Pooka.".... OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hop down from the ladder (feeling like a totally idiot!) and scoop her up!!!! It was GRACIE!!! I had felt her crazy hair, part of her warm face and had thought it was an animal!! (I really must get her a haircut...) I knelt down and put her back in bed trying not to laugh as I looked over and saw with better adjusted eyes, just the bare white wall and blanket from Seth's bunk dangling down the back, and not in fact, Gracie sitting there! I grabbed the cover from the floor and covered her walking out of the room with a picture in my head of 5 people laughing HYSTERICALLY at me. June, Phil, Sharon, Donna and Suz! It was now 3:26am and as I laid back down I laughed into my pillow and thanked the good LORD that this happened now and not in Dec sometime, for I surely would've had the baby right there!!!!!

First Ultrasound!

Hi Little Peep!! It's me, your Mommy!
Daddy and I took you for a ride today. We went to Solutions Pregnancy and Health Center in Shrewsbury. Our appointment was at 10 o'clock. We walked in and the very nice ladies had Mommy fill out some paperwork and then we waited to be called. Miss Cynthia came and took Mommy to a back room where we talked about all of the things that are happening to Mommy's body while you grow and get strong.(I told Miss Cynthia how sick I have been and she smiled and teared up when I told her that all the sickness in the world is worth the honor of carrying YOU!)
We had to take another pregnancy test to make sure you were really there...Mommy knew, but Miss Cynthia needed to see for herself, it's her job...
After we saw the two pink lines on that test Miss Pat was ready to do the ultrasound! Miss Pam wanted to come in too. She loves to see little babies and I think it's her job to make a big deal about how tiny and precious unborn babies are. Mommy liked all three of these ladies and pretty soon after some latex and slippery goop in interesting places, YOU popped up onto the screen! There you were, my little miracle, Peep! So tiny and precious with a little bitty heart just pounding away a mile a min! I was so happy! There were happy tears slipping out but I barely noticed them because I was too busy smiling and watching you! Daddy was to, but I only looked at him once. I wanted to stare at you as long a possible! Miss Pat and Miss Pam had a good time laughing and talking with Daddy and I.

Do you know what Miss Pat, Miss Pam, and Miss Cynthia told Mommy? They told me they were so glad I came in because they were able to rejoice with a Mommy and a Daddy that love you and can't wait to meet you!! I have a lot of work to do to get Mommy's midwife lined up to help deliver you on or about Dec 19th. Aunt Dorothy and Aunt Paula are helping me, and I am so grateful! I can't wait until you meet them! You're gonna love them!
I'll see you soon!! Daddy and I love you!!

Love,
Mommy

Psalm 139:13
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Peace Like A River

So here I am, just about 6 weeks pregnant and I have enter this fabulous world of "wow, I have REALLY gotta GO!!!!" It's a fascinating new world learning to "go" before I really HAVE to, thus eliminating the need to run as fast as I can for the nearest Ladies Room. My first Sunday at church yesterday taught me this brand new lesson. When Sunday School is finished at 10:45, I need to use the Ladies Room even if I don't really have to. If I don't I will inevitably have to charge out in the middle of the service like I had to yesterday! This is something that I do not like to do. I have also learned that there is no such thing as "holding it" for any length of time longer than, oh, say about 5 minutes! So there I was squirming in my pew crossing and uncrossing my legs not wanting to get up and disrupt the whole church because, come on, we ALL look at the people who get up during services. You can't NOT see them, it's very distracting. Hence the reason I always stay seated. So as I squirm around Jimmy asks me what's wrong and I whisper that I need to go. So he tells me to "just go". Easier said then done for a girl that was taught to sit still and pay attention during sermons. Finally, I could take it no longer and I hopped up from my seat so certain that EVERY eye was on me and they were all thinking, "there goes the pregnant lady, off to pee!" EMBARRASSING!!....

I made it to the ladies room in time and it felt soooooooooooooo good!!

So I return to my seat and settle in for the last 20 min of the sermon and lo and behold, here comes that wonderful urge again! OK, I can SOOOOO hold it this time. YES, Pastor is closing in prayer!! OK, pray FASTER!!...OK, now we're gonna sing our last song...Peace Like A River?? You've GOT to be kidding me!!! OK, I can survive, we only ever sing ONE verse of the last song anyway...wait! What did Steve Murphy just say? All THREE VERSES??? Now I'm singing about Peace like a RIVER, love like an OCEAN and joy like a FOUNTAIN!!!! At this point I know I will not make it to the downstairs ladies room, my only hope is to bolt to the FRONT of the church, charge through the conference room and use the single bathroom in the back. OK, the song is ending, relief is in sight...Why is Pastor coming back UP the aisle?? Oh great, another announcement...OK, Hurry Steve, close in prayer. Pastor FINALLY stops talking and I begin to run out of my pew and Steve is TALKING, NOT PRAYING! I stop dead in my tracks halfway out of my pew and cross my legs and bend over, praying that he prays soon!!! FINALLY, he bows his head and before the first sentence of his prayer is complete I am through the conference door and well on my way to that fabulous closet of a bathroom in the back! Thank you LORD, I made it in time!!

It's pretty funny now that I wrote about it! haha! Oh, Peep, I love you so much already and I hope one day you read this and laugh at your silly Mommy!! <3

...and Baby makes 3!!!!

I am expecting my first child!!!!!

I've waited my whole life to write that!! April 15, 2011 will forever remain in my heart and mind as a day when I saw an answer to a prayer that I have prayer for many, many, many, many years!!

August 1, 2010, I blogged about wanting to be a mommy. It was kind of a sad post as I poured my heart and soul out in writing. I cried as I wrote it, I cried as I proofread it and I cried as my friends read it. I haven't looked back at it since that day and I was elated to read it this morning! The best part was that I can now answer 3 of the 10 questions I asked. So here we go!!!


Q1.What is it like to look down after three min and see two pinks lines? What runs through your head? Does your heart skip an excited beat?

A. Well, here's what happened. I thought I had an ovarian cyst that was preventing my period from coming and so I woke up that morning and decided that I would try to find a natural herb or vitamin that would aid the cyst in dissipating. It was then that a little voice inside told me to just check to be sure I wasn't pregnant. I had one test (a Clear Blue digital) left and so I did was was required and laid the test on the bathroom counter and walked away. Gracie was awake and I was like 99.99999% sure that I wasn't pregnant and I was just doing this to be cautious before I took any kind of new herb. After we were dressed and headed downstairs to breakfast I remembered the test and thought I'd better grab it. I peeked my head around the corner and looked down at the test and there in all it's glory was the word PREGNANT!!...."OH MY GOODNESSS, THANK YOU!!!!" is what ran through my head! I thought I was dreaming and I walked out of the bathroom on shaky legs and fell next to the bed and pressed my head to the floor praising GOD and thanking Him over and over and over as I bawled my eyes out! Gracie sat on the bed quite amused at the scene. haha!....I'm not sure of my heart skipped a beat or not. It was so full of love and worship that I really am not sure if it was skipping or leaping!!

Q2. What's it like in those precious moments after seeing the pink lines? Do you look in the mirror and beam back at your gleaming eyes? Do you start thinking of how to tell your husband in the most perfect way?

A. Those precious moments are equal to nothing else I have ever felt in my ENTIRE life! Praising the LORD and thanking Him for the life inside of me is something I cannot explain, there are just not enough words!...I didn't look at myself in the mirror until later on and when I did, my eyes were indeed GLEAMING!...No, I did not start thinking of how to tell Jimmy in the most perfect way. I kinda just walked with the test in one hand and Gracie on my hip and walked into the bedroom where he was sleeping soundly and cried my eyes out over him saying, "James, James, I'm gonna have a baby! " hahahahahahahaa!

Q3. What is it like to see the faces of beloved friends and family when you tell them the news? Are the images of their widened eyes, and shrilling shrieks seared into your mind forever?

A. Paula and Steve were the first ones we told. They arrived at my house at 8am. (Paula to run with me, and Steve to have breakfast with Jimmy). I was holding Gracie and I turned to Paula and told her that I had talked with Jimmy and I wanted her to go somewhere with me. She later told me that she was wondering what kind of scheme I had come up with that Jimmy had agreed to! LOL! Anyway, so I said," It will be on or around December 16th" at which point she burst into tears and started jumping up and down and ran over and said, "Hiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!" and kissed and stroked my belly!! hahahahaha! that was the best ever! After lots of hugging and lots more hugging and lots of tears and lots more hugging the boys headed out for coffee and I texted Dorothy to see if she was up yet. She was!! (oh yes and it was her birthday so she thought I wanted to come walk with her for her birthday...PERFECT excuse!! haha! She didn't suspect a thing!) Dorothy was waiting outside as we pulled up and as Paula took Gracie out for me I hugged Dorothy and told her that Paula and I were going somewhere in Dec and we wanted to know if she would come with us. She immediately gasped and said, "DISNEY WORLD!!!" (This is our dream, that one day the 3 of us will be able to go to Disney World together when it's decorated for Christmas). I said "Noooooooo, it's on or around Dec 16th" and she stared at me quizzically and asked, "Where are you going?" and I replied, "into labor!" Her face went from questioning to ecstatic in like a nanosecond and she started screaming and jumping up and down!! LOL! It was quite a sight and very exciting, I'll never forget it! It is def seared into my mind and heart forever!
There are many other great stories about how I told others. Most of them thought I was playing a late April Fools joke! haha! Especially my baby sister, who was celebrating her 25th birthday!!! haha! What a wonderful day!

Extra Special moment: Realizing that on that very day, in 1986, my Mommy was so joyful and happy, having given birth to my sister, and 25 years later, I felt the joy and happiness of discovering my fist baby is on the way!


"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."(Psalm 37:4)