The Final Answers

Q-9. What runs through your head when you realize you're in labor? Is it joy? Fear? Anxiety? Excitement?

A. When I first realized I was in labor it was exciting! I was all alone and had been for 2 hours since it was the wee hours of the morning. There was no fear or anxiety. I completely trusted that my body knew what to do.


(I won't ask how labor feels. I once had a severe stomach infection and the doctor told me later that the pain I was experiencing was equivalent to contractions in a pregnant woman, except unlike contractions my pain had no pauses...I remember that well, I was screaming the whole way to the ER!)... LOL! For the record, the first 20 hours of contractions felt equivalent to the stomach infection pain, however, the later contractions were definitely WORSE!!!

10. What's it like to hear that first cry? To see you baby for the first time? To hold your baby for the first time? What's it like to look down and know that this precious baby is half you and half your husband and s/he was formed and knit together by an Awesome and Amazing GOD??

A. I was in a daze! A very strange, alternate universe feeling, high-as-a-kite, daze and they put this warm, squirmy, grayish, squealing baby on my and she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! It was so surreal and I couldn't believe this perfectly formed baby had been inside of me that whole time!! It was wonderful!!


(My next post will be about my labor, so more details to come!)

Do You Miss Her More...?

"Do you miss your mom more now that you're pregnant?"

This was the question that my Grandma Trudy (Mom's mom) asked me the other night on the phone.

Grandma Trudy has lost a lot of people in her lifetime (she's 84) including her beloved husband, both parents, a sibling, a daughter, all her aunts, uncles and most, if not ALL, of her cousins. She understands loss, but she mostly didn't experience it until she was in her late 50's. She had her Mom living near her for her pregnancies and most of the time she was raising my mom and uncles. She really was curious to know if I miss my mom more now that I'm pregnant.

The answer to that is "no". I do not miss my mom more for there is no possible way that "more" can fit into the space I hold in my life entitled "Missing Mom". When you're in your 60's-80's you almost expect to lose your parents. It's kind of inevitable, although I would never say easier. It doesn't matter how old you are losing a parent is NEVER easy to accept. However, losing your parents in your mid twenties is a WHOLE different spectrum. Does it get easier? Yes, that is why the LORD designed the grieving process. If handled step by step, you will not spend the rest of your life in doldrums and depression sobbing every day for your loss. You learn to accept and deal with each new day of not having that person's presence in your life. You will have certain days when a phrase triggers tears, or a song tugs at your heartstrings, or your memory replays that terrible night, but for the most part you are a happy, functioning member of LIFE!

The "more" factor does not fit into this case. I think of losing my mom as a hole in my life. She filled a space that no one else could. When the LORD took her home that space was ripped from my life leaving ragged edges and natural tears all around. Jesus steps in with His grace, mercy & love and smooths the edges and mends the tears but there is still a hole. That hole is empty of the completion of HAVING my mom with me, but filled with the realization that I WILL see her again one day! Regardless of what comes and goes in my life, that hole remains. It neither grows, nor shrinks, it is simply a hole.

The only "more" I can use in regards to Mom is that each new day of living for Jesus, is one MORE day closer to seeing her again =)

Psalm 19:14
"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

A Great Giveaway!!!

http://acreativeprincess.blogspot.com/2011/11/1000-followers-giveaway-and-happy.html

4 weeks!

Oh my Lovey-girl I get to meet you so soon! To hold you and kiss you and love you! I can't wait!

At this very moment you have your feet tucked up on my left side pressing into my ribs. It's quite uncomfortable but I love that you are so big that you're running out of room! This means that you'll be here before I know it! I love you, my precious treasure! You are an amazing gift from the LORD and I look forward to every moment I will spend with you!

Love,
Mommy

p.s. your hiccups at 5am this morning were so cute. Did you know that when Mommy gets hiccups it makes her mad? It really does! Mommy doesn't get mad often but hiccups REALLY bother me!...Guess What? I have noticed when you get them you kick me SUPER hard after each one. I think you may take after me! =)

Cousin Seth

Dear Anya,

I had to stop for a bit today to write you this letter. There are spots in the carpet that are driving me NUTS and I've been on my hands and knees scrubbing them out...Daddy thinks I'm nesting, I think that the spots just decided to get on my nerves all of the sudden... (Daddy might be right=)...Anyway, I have to tell you about how excited your Cousin Seth is to meet you!

Every day he runs in at 9:00 in the morning and jumps right into my lap. He snuggles for about 10 min and then has to sit back and feel for you. You usually bump his hand and he laughs hysterically and says,"Hiiiii, Baby Anya!!". He calls Gracie over, if she's not sitting with us and he'll take her hand and press where he just felt you kick and tell Gracie to wait to feel the bump!

Cousin Seth usually brings you something from home every day. Many times it's one of his very own toys and he tells me that its for you and I must keep it safe and give it to you when you come. When we do projects at school he wants to make it for you, and last week when we used poofy balls during craft time he insisted on sticking a green one in my belly button so you could have it! Today he brought over his Thomas the Tank firetruck and unhooked his caboose and balanced it on my belly so you could play with him! He never wants you to feel left out!

Sometimes Mommy has to take him and Gracie with me to the doctor to check up on you. Cousin Seth thinks it is very serious and tells me all about how the doctor is going to measure me and check your heart. Last week Dr. G was so backed up we were there TWO hours and Seth and Gracie were SOOOO good that Mommy took them to McDonald's and bought them special Happy Meals as a treat! Do you know what Cousin Seth did? He took his Puss in Boots toy and gave it to you! He refused to take it home because he wants you to have it! He loves you so very, very much! You are his special girl already and he can't wait to meet you at "Triss-mas Time"!!

...and you know what? I can't wait to meet you, either!!

Taking a Walk

While taking a walk today I was enjoying some time alone with Jesus. It's been a while since just the two of us went for a walk. I sometimes forget how special that time is! I have many wonderful people to walk with in my life, but sometimes it needs to be just me and my LORD.

As we walk along, I envision Jesus is on my left hand side and He's got His arm around my shoulders. We walk and I tell Him all about my life and things I am thankful for, things I know I need to work on, and I ask Him questions and share my heart. I already know that He knows it all but I tell Him everything, nonetheless. =)

Today as we turned the corner onto Brenning Place, I noticed that there was a long stream of melted snow water running along the side of the road to my left. I automatically apologized to Jesus for making Him walk on that side in the water, and I instantly heard this thought pop into my head... (have you ever had that happen? Like you know you thought it, but it feels like you didn't and somebody actually spoke to you?)...I heard this voice say, "That's OK, I walked on the water!"... I burst out laughing!! hahaha! It was so funny! Anyone that saw me probably thought I was nuts (and you may, too) but I have a great time with my LORD! I just love Him so much and I know He loves to laugh, just like me!! :D

My Will?

I totally have to share something that I couldn't today at our Ladies Bible Study (because I would've cried) about how sometimes GOD takes our willfulness and puts a blessing inside of it that we may not see until many years down the road...

When I was about to marry it was MY will and MY plan to have children right away. I had two countdowns going. One was the number of days until my wedding day and the other was one day longer and it was the day I would conceive. I was that SURE and that DETERMINED! I never once stopped to ask the LORD if it was HIS will that I even HAVE children...

It was so well known that this was MY plan that the running joke at my bridal shower was, "see you at the baby shower in 8 months!"...My Mom even gave me a bridal shower gift that was a baby bag consisting of bibs, little socks and some sippie cups. (When I didn't conceive I tucked the bag away, forgotten in the attic...)

After years of trying and many tears, I finally surrendered and asked for GOD's will to be done. I stopped focusing so much on WHEN and IF it would happen, and focused more on surrendering my will to His good purpose... Then came that day, this past April, when I was COMPLETELY shocked to discover Anya was on the way! (YAY!)

Fast forward to last Friday: I was cleaning the attic and out of a plastic tub I pulled a bag. I knew right away what it was and as I unzipped it I looked inside and pulled out a pink bib that read , "I Love Daddy"...It was the baby bag of gifts from my Mom!

My Mom, who will never attend my baby shower. Anya has gifts from her Grammie!! Her Grammie, that if she had lived, would be head-over-heels excited to be meeting her granddaughter in a few months!

GOD took the impatience and willfulness of my stubborn heart and planted inside of it a blessing for my daughter who would not arrive for more than FIVE YEARS from that time!! Even though it does not justify my willful heart, I know that my Loving Father led my mother (who undoubtedly thought she would live to see her grandchildren) to purchase those baby gifts for me because she wouldn't be here to do so for my baby shower...

I serve an AWESOME GOD!! He loves me so very, very much!!!!